Forgiveness
by Imagination Live
Summary: There are bound to be consequences for the things you've done sooner or later, but can you forgive yourself for them? Tony telling everyone he was Iron Man endangered everyone he loved. When his daughter slips into a coma after her kidnapping, he remembers all of the horrible things that has ever been done to his n he ever forgive himself? Will she ever wake up?
1. Darkness

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers. I own my OCs plot and imagination.**

 **A/N: I had writer's block and just started typing so it just sort of wrote itself and I was finally able to twist it into something. I hope you like it, thanks for reading!**

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 _I couldn't see where I was going, everything around me was so dark and lifeless. All I wanted to do was scream for help but my voice stuck in my throat, burning there like hot coals. The silence screeched into my ears an unearthly noise as I hobbled through the darkness. My anxious mind was scattered with thoughts, the most prominent being; "I have to get out of here!" I don't know where I am! I don't know how I got here! What's happening to me!? I felt something wrap around my ankle and I let out a stifled scream, the only sound coming to my ears the sound of a whimper rising through my chest. I started to fall, the darkness below me sucking me down into a dark abyss of nothingness. I fought to pull myself out as I felt the darkness cling to my mouth and nose drowning me like a puddle of tar. I felt it seep into my mouth and nose coating my throat and lungs with a thickness worse than syrup cutting of any hope of air. I reached my hand out; hoping, praying, that someone would come save me, but nothing happened as I slowly felt the dark slime ooze over the tips of my fingers..._

* * *

I swore she came close to stirring this time but she just lay there motionless... I was getting my hopes up again... This was the third time I expected to see her wake up and say to me, "Daddy? I'm hungry. Can we eat and go play?" I covered a hand over my mouth choking back a sob as I pet her hair away from her eyes. The sound of her heart monitor beeping rythmatically was the only hope I had that I'd see her beautiful little eyes open up once again... My mind drifted back to when she was born; such a beautiful little girl with curious sparkling eyes just like her mother... Holding her close as she cooed and wrapped her tiny little hands around my finger... She had such a strong grip for a newborn it made me smile... I always thought that she'd grow up strong and healthy... But right now all I was trying to do was keep the thought of death as far from my mind as I possibly could, while I silently begged her to wake up... She was so strong and happy a few months ago... I choked back another sob as tears slid down my face. I felt someone stroke my back and lean against me, I watched as my wife's hand closed around our daughter's tiny pale hand. I hugged her and kissed her head before whispering, "She'll wake up soon... I know it..." even I could tell I wasn't convincing, my voice cracked part way through and I had to restart the sentence.

She was silent for a moment, "I keep expecting her to get up and tell us she wants to go home and play," she didn't bother hiding the tremor from her voice.

"... Me too..." Was all I could say before the unrelenting tears took me.

She soothed me, "You don't have to try to be so strong for me... I know you want to cry too..."

"... It's all my fault isn't it?"

"You couldn't have seen this coming... None of us could..."

"Yes we could've! I'm such an arrogant, self-centered, bastard! And-and because of that she-she-!" I couldn't hold it back anymore. "I'm the worst father ever..."

"No you aren't... You love her... And sometimes yes you may be a little arrogant but that doesn't mean that you should blame yourself."

"All because I wanted people to look at me and think I'm important..." I muttered.

"Tony, look at me," I looked up to see her green eyes filled with tears, "You didn't intend for this to happen!"

"It doesn't matter what I intended to happen... She was hurt because of me, my actions! If I had kept it a secret instead of just blabbing to the world, she wouldn't be in a hospital bed right now..."

"You don't know where she would be..."

"At home, cuddled up next to us, and asking us to read her story. That's where she would be!"

"You're right, you really are arrogant, taking all the blame for yourself once again! Even if they didn't know you were ironman don't you think they would still come after her!? You say it all the time; you're a genius billionare, who once owned a weapon's company! Don't you think people would still try to hurt her to get to us? It doesn't matter who you say you are..." I couldn't form a reply... She was partly right. Even with us just being billionare's she'd have a target on her back. I still couldn't help thinking that if I hadn't told everyone though that maybe things would be better...? "Stop thinking that," I looked up to see glaring at me and smirked lightly, she could read me pretty well sometimes... I looked to our daughter; she could read me even better... Ever since she was a toddler she could read me like an open book... I smiled sadly, I remembered whenever someone misunderstood me and got mad she'd always be right there to defend me and tell them what I was really saying; my little translator... "What are you thinking?"

"I was remembering the time when you got mad at me because I lost my wedding ring and wanted to buy a new one. She explained to you that I wanted to buy a new one only because you were so important to me that I didn't want anyone else to think I wanted someone else," I hugged her closer.

She chuckled, "Yeah, sorry about that..."

I kissed her temple, "Don't worry," I whispered into her hair, "I'll do everything in my power to get her to wake up again."

She was silent a moment, her shaky voice finally asking, "... What if she doesn't...?"

That's the thought that I tried to push to the back of my mind. Every time it surfaced I felt cold and numb; my heart breaking into a million pieces before sinking to the pit of my stomach. I snapped out of my thoats when I felt her bury her head in my shoulder. I couldn't trust myself to talk so I just hugged her back tighter as we cried.

* * *

We've slept beside her every night. I keep hoping to wake up and hear her cheerful little voice telling me "Goodmorning daddy!" This day was no different than the past few months... I heard a light knock at the door, "Can I come in?" I invited Steve inside, "We're all getting pretty worried about you guys."

"I'm not going to leave her."

"I know, I'm not asking you too. If she were one of my kids you couldn't give me one reason to leave this room..." he paused for a moment, "All I'm saying is; I think you two need to talk to someone... To help you get through this..." I remained silent as I looked over at Pepper sleeping on the bed next to mine; she looked so worn. "Maria wouldn't want you to hurt or blame yourselves over what happened. She would want you to be happy."

"You could also use a shower, I can smell you from over here!" Clint tossed from the doorway.

"I'm pretty sure that's just the smell of the dumpster you got those clothes out of," I shot back.

He smelled his shirt wrinkled his nose in disgust and smirked, "Maybe I should shop elsewhere."

That made me chuckle, "We could probably use one."

"That and a couple cheeseburgers," Clint said, "I'll pay."

My smile turned into a frown as I looked into Maria's pale face the oxygen mask covering her mouth made my stomach turn... It reminded me of how I found her, the scene flashing through my mind causing my stomach to flip like I was freefalling through the air right before I hit the pavement.

* * *

The area was filled with darkness except for a single flickering light, the rest of the Avengers were dealing with her kidnapper leaving me to find her. I kept looking around, calling for her, hoping she would answer. That's when I saw her, next to a dumpster surrounded by crates like she had just been thrown away with the trash. She wasn't breathing... I knew right away because of the black ooze that clung to her; she looked like she had been drowned in it. Immediately I did all I could to get that stuff out of her nose and mouth. I don't know how I did it, but JARVIS confirmed it was cleared from her airways. Then I just had to get her breathing... That was a little easier but not by much.

* * *

I don't even know how she's still alive... Just barely hanging on. Our in-home Doctor claims it's a miracle that she's even alive; that after all that oxygen deprivation she should be brain dead. "Tony!" Steve grabbed my shoulder, "Everything will be okay."

I nodded. "Took you two minutes to come back to us," Clint said.

"I-I-I can't do this... I'm not strong enough to-to watch her slip away..." I choked out.

"No parent is," Steve confirmed.

"If she doesn't wake up I-I don't know what I'll do!" I held my face in my hands as all my anguish poured out.

I looked up to see Clint's hand on my other shoulder, he just squeezed it for a moment before saying, "You'll get through this. Somedays, you may even hate yourself and want to die, but either way you'll get through this. We all will."

"He's right. We're in this together."

"... Thanks..."

"Tony?" We looked over to see Pepper had woken up.

"I'll get those hamburgers. And you two," he pointed to the both of us, "Take a shower and take care of yourselves. I'm gonna come back in a half and hour to an hour and I expect it to smell like roses in here," he smirked jokingly before he left.

Steve smiled, "We'll both hold you to it." he said before leaving.

Pepper came over and hugged me before bringing the sleeping twins over one-by-one. I smiled at the sleeping toddler nestled in my arms. "They haven't been getting as much love as they need right now..." I looked up to see her holding him tightly with her eyes closed and her lips trembling.

"Everything's going to be okay."

"... Am I being a bad mother...?"

"Am I being a bad father?"

Tears slipped from her eyes, "You're just worried about her and blaming yourself."

"Same with you."

"I guess I can't help but think we could be doing more for them right now."

"We could bring some books in here and start reading to the three of them," I suggested as I saw the twins' toys scattered about the floor.

"I don't want to leave her but they can't stay in here all the time... They're either in here with us or outside with someone else..."

I looked down at my son cuddling closer to me, "You're right... We've been a bit selfish haven't we?" I stroked his hair for a few moments before saying, "Maybe for a little while we can take turns? One with the boys, one with Maria, and then have some time in here and them some time with the four of us outside?"

"Yeah, maybe..." I know why we were both afraid to leave her... We were afraid that while we were gone she might slip away...

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 **A/N: thanks for reading pls rate and review ^^**


	2. Trauma

**Disclaimer: You know what I don't own so there for you know what I do own.**

 **A/N: Pretty sad but I hope you like it. Please tell me what you think.**

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I don't know why but all I could do was stare at her face... Maybe I was afraid that I'd forget it...? No... I never would... She was my life... She is my life! They all are... I don't know what I would do if I lost any of them. They're all so special to me... I've nearly lost them cointless times before and only once that was ever this bad... Back then she was only in a coma for two weeks.

My mind drifted back to that time...

* * *

I was sitting at my desk doing paperwork when I heard the alert for the children's panic button. My stomach clenched, I had a feeling even before JARVIS told me; "Maria's panic button has been activated." Before he could finish I was out the door and into my suit already heading in the direction on my GPS. I cursed myself; I knew I shouldn't have let her go on that field trip alone! Pepper and I were so adamant about her not going but she just kept begging with those puppy dog eyes. It would have been better if one of us could have gone with her but we were both called out to work... The sad look in her eyes when we told her no broke my heart, so we tried our best to compromise...

The sound of Maria's surrounding's filtered through the speakers of my helmet, "I'm scared..." A child, one of Maria's friends no doubt.

"Shh!"

"You have to hide!" I recognized that voice, it was her best friend.

"Alright! I'll give you brats to the count of three to give up Stark before I start blowing holes in this bus!" I ground my teeth, I recognized that voice too. A criminal I seemed to have ticked off when I arrested him. I sped faster as I remembered his last heist involved bombs, hostages, and automatic weapons.

"Please! You don't have to do this!" Her teacher...

"Oh, yes I do!" I heard a screech and a child yelling for him to let go. "Come on out," I heard his weapon cock, "Unless you don't care what happens to this kid."

"Please!"

"Mrs. Appleburry!" A little girl cried.

The sound of feet shuffling and Maria's friend hissing, "What are you doing!?" Tightened my throat.

"I'm here," Maria's voice shook.

"Maria don't!"

"Good girl! Now come closer," I could hear her hesitance as she walked.

"You're gonna leave thema alone right?"

"Oh sure~!" he said sarcastically. "Wait! What's that in your hand?" I could hear her stop, "Show me!" Some students whimpered. "What is that?"

"P-panic button..."

I cursed and turned on the speaker in her panic button, "Leave them alone. We can talk this out without getting anyone else involved."

"Tony Stark," he spat. "Oh, I think we're way past that!" he hissed. "Since I assume you're already on your way, I give you a choice. I have bombs strapped to every inch of this bus," Everyone panicked, "You can either save them or your daughter."

"I'm warning you. Walk away now before anyone gets hurt and-," I heard him slap the panic button from her hand before stepping on it. When I arrived on the scene I saw him holding a gun to her head with his other arm wrapped around her neck and holding a case.

"Daddy!"

"Everything's going to be okay, Maria!"

"Here's the deal again; you let us walk free and save the bus or I shoot her in the head and blow the bus to smithereens. Either way, you're going to lose!"

"I don't think so," I stepped forward.

"Daddy!" My eyes riveted to her, I could see the terror on her face as he gripped her tighter, "Please help them! Please don't let them die!"

"Maria, I-," Even though she was absolutely terrified she still wanted me to save her friends first...

"Please!"

"Alright, but then I'm going back to get you!" I flew back to save the bus and nearly got everyone out when I heard Maria scream and the gun go off; making my heart lurch. Everything seemed to happen so slowly, I turned to see her following to the ground as I screamed her name, the man looked horrified before running off into the woods nearby. I rushed to her side immediately and found her lying there on the grass, blood pooling just beneath her ribcage... I put pressure on it. "Maria! Maria, sweetie! Look at me! Look at me honey!"

Her eyes slowly drifted towards me, "Daddy... I'm-," she grimaced, "I'm okay... Don't-don't worry... I'm fine..."

"I'm getting help. Stay with me honey! Stay with me!" The color was draining from her face. I ripped the gloves of my hands so I could hold hers, she was so cold.

"I'll-be okay."

She was trying to be strong for me... I think that made me hurt worse... "Oh Jesus! What happened!" Our team medic rushed to her side and ripped off his jacket and placing it under her head as a pillow. "Okay let me see..." I removed my hands, "Oh Jesus..." He got into his medical bag and started working on her.

All I could do was pet her hair and hold her hand as our friends surrounded us. "You're gonna be okay, honey. We're gonna fix you up, okay?" I choked. I'm not sure I even believed it at the time but I was hoping.

"Daddy?"

"It's okay, honey..."

"I lied-, before... When I-told you I felt okay..." I watched her swallow hard as she struggled to breathe. "I'm cold..."

"Here, daddy's gonna warm you up okay?" I tried to warm up her hands and face as I watched her turn her eyes to the sky above.

"Pretty..." was the last thing she said before her eyes closed.

"No! No! Maria! Wake up! Maria!" Someone pulled me away. In my panic I wasn't sure who. All I could do was watch and struggle as her limp form was lifted onto a stretcher and pulled into an ambulance. After that I think I blacked out... I just completely lost it... I remembered afterward Clint telling me that I socked him in the face and nearly ripped him to shreds... He must've been the one pulling me away... Though I don't see how... When I came to I rushed to the hospital they told me she was in. She was in surgery... I don't know how they made it there before me, I must've been out for a little while. Pepper arrived shortly after with the boys and Bobbi, they rushed over as soon as they heard. Everything seemed blurry and out of focus, even my hearing, the one thing I heard above everything else was my heart beating in my chest as everything else in my body turned cold and numb. I only realized Pepper was leaning against me when I jumped out of my seat as the doors opened and she fell a little bit. She seemed unfazed as she jumped up to stand beside me in front of the doctor.

"It's a miracle but, the surgery went well. Honestly," he said in disbelief, "I'm surprised she's even alive, that shot should have killed her," he cleared his throat, "Um... Sorry..." He said looking at Pepper, she had her hands covering her mouth and was wobbling slightly so I steadied her. She held unto me so tightly she shook, "As much as I'd like to say the opposite, she's not out of the woods yet. She's in a coma... It may be weeks or even months before her body recovers fully enough to wake up, if she wakes up at all..." With that Pepper collapsed into tears, taking me down to the floor with her. "I'm sorry."

I was numb and speechless... One of the most precious and unexpected joys in my life and I was losing her and it was all my fault... I felt so numb, I could hardly breathe as I shook. I remembered when she was born that I swore I would protect her with my life...

I was relieved beyond words when she awoke a few weeks later, we hugged her and kissed her and hardly left her side. She told us a story that chilled me, "When I was hurt I saw an angel reaching down to me. And when I died and woke up in heaven he was there to greet me,"

"Honey, you didn't die!" I couldn't help but feel excruciating pain at what she said... The Doctor's never even told me she died for a moment!

"Yeah I did. I asked if I wasn't going to see you guys anymore and he told me that I was only up there to visit. He looked sad as he picked me up and carried me inside... It was so beautiful there, daddy! The clouds were so puffy! They were tons of different colors too! White, pink, and orange kinda like the sunset only brighter and more cheerful! I told the angel he looked familiar and he said its because he's my guardian angel!" she chirped. "He said we were going to visit some family... I didn't recognize most of the people he showed me but they felt a little familiar. I even so grandma and grandpa! Grandpa said he's sorry and that he loves you very much, grandma too!" she paused for a minute looking confused, "He introduced me to a man and woman... They hugged me, and kissed me, and told me how much they missed me... They looked so sad... Do you know who they are? She had long blonde hair and he had short brown hair like yours, I think they both had blue eyes too..."

"I don't know honey..." I was really confused and worried by what she said. I looked to Pepper and saw that she was feeling the same way.

"Do you?"

"No honey, I don't. What were their names?"

She thought for a moment, "They didn't say. They said they were family but they didn't say how... They did say that we would see each other again someday though!" She was cheerful and wasn't really phased by what she said but that thought made a rock form in my stomach. "I'm gonna be okay, daddy!" she hugged me. I didn't realize the worry was showing on my face until that moment.

"Yeah... Yeah I know honey," I wasn't going to let anyone take her from me again...

* * *

I was torn from that memory when I heard my son cry, I picked him up into my arms and rocked him. "Shh... It's okay," I kissed his face, "It's okay, Billy, daddy's here. Daddy's here." I bounced him a little before he started reaching for his sister. I set him down on the bed and watched as he crawled over to her and tried to wake her up.

"Wake up sissy! Wake up!" he pushed her shoulder several times before crying again. He tried to rip the oxygen mask off but I stopped him just in time. "No! Daddy, no!"

I held him close, "No. She needs that, honey. It's helping her breathe."

"No!" he wailed struggling for her.

"Billy come here!" Pepper came up and took him from me, "Are you being naughty?"

"No! Maria needs to wake up!"

She was silent for the longest time, I could see her eyes glaze with tears and pain, "You're right, honey... She does..." Was all she said as she held him.


End file.
